Keys to a 10 year strong relationship

Keys to a 10 year strong relationship

10 years ago on July 16th I got married.

I remember the day I met John on my front steps. I was 15 and he was 11. He was really cute and really charming. It was my block party.  And I was smitten.  But there was one hurdle.  He was in 5th grade and I was a Sophomore in High School.  Yea.  4 years is a BIG age gap back then.

He was tall for his age so that was good and he hung out with an older crowd.  Within 10 minutes of meeting he told me he liked me. He said things like “you’re it for me”. And when I told him he was too young he said “will you wait for me?”

As if he knew something that I didn’t.

I fell for him….. His light blue eyes. His big smile. His thick messy hair. And most of all I fell for the way he made me feel. No Sophomores made me feel like this.

It didn’t last back then.  Grade School and High School were too different.  But I’d run into him here and there and he would always give me a really charming smile and his eyes would draw me back in.

10 years later we met again. And he asked me out. Actually he asked me if I’d been waiting and if I was ready for him. 🙂 I was….

10 years after that, to the day, we got married.  In a candle lit ceremony at midnight with all of our friends and family we finally said “I do”.

Now 30 years later from that summer on my front porch, we celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary.

Although it sounds like an epic love story, it hasn’t always been easy. Actually it’s rarely been easy.

The growing pains you experience moving through 2 decades together can be intense. We moved through our 20’s together, and partying and breakups and many jobs. We’ve lost loved ones and John got sober. We moved through marriage and 2 kids and mortgages and more jobs.

It honestly feels like we’ve been through it all. We’re very different people. People would describe us as exact opposites.  But somehow we’ve stayed together. Even when he was drinking and using drugs. I saw the real John inside of him. Even when I lost all faith in us, he still saw the hope in me.

20 years later I wish I could say we have it down. We know how to maneuver this relationship but I don’t think we do. It’s still work. Issues still come up that we don’t anticipate. We still fight. We still hurt each other.

And yet we always, always come together in the end. And he always, always surprises me.

Bottom line is I never think about my life without him. Every relationship is a choice. And I chose John.

When I made that choice to love him unconditionally that was when we really got married. That’s when we really committed until death do us part.

Most of the women who I coach are struggling in their relationships. I don’t have any less conflict or issues than any other married women. I just choose not to struggle. 

I choose to accept the things I cannot change. 

I choose to take 100% responsibility for my happiness. 

I choose to love him unconditionally and through it all. 

And that has been the key to our 20 year relationship.

Now my goal is to continue to grow and see just how good we can make this relationship.

I refuse to settle for an average relationship.

For our 10 year/20 year anniversary we’re committing to a few things.

Weekly date nights, without fail. And quarterly overnights without the kids. We’re recommitting to respect, appreciation and daily gratitude.

It will still take work and new habits but if I know one thing I know it will be worth it.

What can you do to recommit to your relationship?  😊😍

Let me know and we can hold each other accountable.

Celebrating love today!

Steffani

PS I have some fun new things on the horizon…. 🙂 Keep a look out.

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1 Comment

  • Jacqueline Fisch August 3, 2016 at 12:44 pm

    Happy anniversary! I love this story! My hubby and I celebrated 12 years of marriage this year – and we’ve known each other for….12 and a half! There was very little waiting for anything in our relationship.

    Totally agree – it’s NOT easy! We keep putting date nights off, and off. I’m going to go get a sitter and plan one RIGHT NOW!

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