Mom, You don’t have a behavior problem

Mom, You don’t have a behavior problem

You don’t have a behavior problem. Listen. I know it feels that way. I know it looks and sounds like the one thing you need is for your son or daughter to “behave”. But I promise you, you don’t have a behavior problem.

You don’t have a homework problem.

Or a sibling fighting too much problem.

Or even a backtalk problem.

Yea. From an outside point of view, I see how it can look that way. And how it might feel that way to you. But that’s not the problem. Your kid’s behavior actually has nothing to do with it. It can feel that way. Oh boy, can it feel that way.  It’s so frustrating. It’s so hard. It’s so messy. It can raise our stress level from 1-10 instantly. But I promise you. It’s not your kids’ behavior that’s the problem.

The problem is you. Bottom line is… you haven’t done the work.

I know that sounds harsh but hear me out. When we don’t work on our foundation, on feeling mentally, emotionally and physically strong and when we don’t have our thoughts mastered, our feelings on point and our triggers in check, then we haven’t done all we can do to show up in the world as the best parent we can be.

It’s not their fault. It’s ours. Our kids respond to our behavior and their behavior is a language.  Am I saying that when our kids explode and are whiny and needy and talkback that it’s our fault? Yes. I’m saying that and MORE. The women that I work with prove one major thing to be true:

When we do the inner work and build a strong, solid foundation, we find the inner peace. The presence. The JOY.

And guess what? No one else changed. Just us.

When we do the work on US, we change our perspective and therefore our reality. When we do the work we can then build anything we want on that solid foundation. We get strong. And aware. And proactive. We start consciously creating a life we really truly wholeheartedly love.

It’s not pretty. It takes work. It’s ugly at first. It’s messy in the middle. But it’s gorgeous at the end. And in the end, we see our kid’s behavior in a completely different light. It’s just a language. Telling us what we need to work on.

Are you ready to do the work? Message me

The Key to Body Confidence

The Key to Body Confidence

I’ll just get right to it.

Don’t compare your 47 with other people’s 27. 
Don’t compare your 47 to your 27 either.

What I mean by that is, the key to having body confidence is loving and accepting your body AS IT IS, RIGHT NOW. In all its’ glory and imperfection. With all its’ lumps and bumps and wrinkles.

I think we get down on our bodies because we’re in constant comparison. With others AND ourselves.

What used to work for me 20 years ago doesn’t work for me anymore. What I could do 20 years ago I can’t do anymore.

And that’s OK. It sure should be ok, it’s been 20 years. And a 47-year-old body that’s had 2 kids should look different than a 27-year-old body. It’s just a fact.

Now I need to be careful with that. I don’t need to accept my body looking worse than I want it to. I don’t need to listen to the bullshit rules out there, like that we gain weight as we get older or that we get weaker or lose flexibility. I don’t need to buy into all that. I just need to fully accept the body that I have in this moment.

At OTF today we ran a PR 1 mile. When I heard we were doing that I got a little nervous. I had flashbacks to my days running races and working with a running coach. I’ve never been a ‘runner’ or very fast, but I used to work at it and now I don’t. It hurts. For me running a fast mile feels like a near-death experience.

But I ran one today. 20 years ago my fastest mile was a 6.40. And wow. I was so proud of that. Holy shit. That was REALLY fast for ME.

Today I thought I’d push myself and try and run as fast as possible. Could I run a 7.30? Maybe an 8:30? All I knew was that I would run as fast for 1 mile as my legs and heart could carry me.

I ran an 8.05. And wow. I was SO proud of that. Holy shit. That was really fast for 47 year old me.

No judgment. No comparison. Just radical acceptance. I have no idea what other people ran it in. I really don’t care. I never even think to look.

Because for me the key to body acceptance is not comparing myself to anyone else or to a younger version of myself.

This is what my body can do NOW. This is how hard I work to constantly improve it. This is why I’m so proud of THIS body.

Now here come the Big Questions/ Bold Answers ladies…..

Do you wish you had more body confidence?
What contributes to your body confidence?
And can you teach me how to take a better selfie? 😆

 

Suffering in silence…

Suffering in silence…

We’ve been going through a hard time as a family lately. (Public school issues mainly.)

I know my blog posts are normally only rainbows and butterflies. But I also know we all experience the highs and lows in life. We can never escape it. It’s gonna happen. We’ll lose loved ones. Fight with friends. Get kicked off a team. Have something lost or stolen. Break a bone. Or worse, have our heart broken. Especially as parents, we see injustice in the world. Far too often.

This. Is. Life. It’s bound to happen.

When I experience these things, which I do, ALL THE TIME. I tend to pull away from sharing. Not because I’m afraid or ashamed to share the shit and the trials and tribulations. But because I turn inward. And I have a habit of suffering in silence. Thinking no one will get it. Thinking that I may come off as negative or weak. Fearing that it will only make things worse if I speak of my troubles and stresses.

So today I put my coaching hat on and told myself what I would tell one of my clients.

Don't suffer in silence
Zoe and I

DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE. Ask for the help you need.

Speak to your fears. Name and claim your stressful thoughts. And find someone to help you THROUGH them.

Don’t suffer in silence. Do the work it takes to get you on the other side of this tunnel. Ask for the help you need to see the light. Use all your tools and lean on your tribe so you can find your way and make it to the other side.

We don’t need to suffer in silence. And in my opinion that never works. If anything it only causes us to stuff it down and experience it again tenfold.

There are so many practices we can use to move THROUGH our suffering.

The Byron Katie Work (one of my faves that I do with all my clients but have a hard time doing for myself when I’m really in the soup.)

EFT or Tapping (simple and easy, search it on Youtube. but then you still have to DO IT)

Therapy, counseling, coaching (Duh)

Talk to a friend (Not just any friend. Not a friend who will just agree and say “wow yea that SUCKS” but a TRUTH friend who will show you how you can do better, help you turn your thoughts around and hold your hand until you’re on the other side.)

A 3 part solution I share with my clients in times like these:

(reminding myself of them now so I’ll use them)

Step 1. Focus on the END RESULT of what you DO want. Stop dwelling on and thinking about what you don’t want.

Step 2. Give it away to a higher power. We’re not alone here. Stop acting like it.

Step 3. Safeguard your happiness. Do everything and anything that brings you JOY. Laugh, make love, dance, have FUN because no amount of suffering ever got us on the other side of the tunnel.

Have you ever found yourself suffering in silence? What do you do to get through it?

Xxxx,