11 years ago I did something I never thought I’d do…

11 years ago I did something I never thought I’d do…

I got married….

I didn’t just get married. I got married to my childhood crush.

I remember sitting at McDonalds with my girlfriends when I was 15 telling them how much I liked this boy John LeFevour. They quickly talked me out of it since he was so young. Only 11 years old at the time.

How could I consider dating a 5th grader???!!! At the time he was too young. But there was something about him. So I told him he’d make a good boyfriend in 10 years.

And he asked me to wait for him.

Who does that at 11 years old?! John LeFevour does.

10 years later we ran into each other at a bar in our hometown. We were both single. I remember asking him how old he was to make sure he was old enough. 😊 He was 21 and I was 25. Now that’s not a bad age difference. He asked me if I was finally ready to go out with him. I thought it would be a fun summer fling.

10 years later to the day we got married. In a midnight ceremony. On our 10 year anniversary.

Contrary to what most people think when you date someone for 10 years before you get married, I didn’t have to give him an ultimatum.

It was HE who had to convince ME.

See I never WANTED to get married. I was afraid it was too hard. I was afraid people changed after marriage. I was afraid married people lost love for each other and never had sex. I was afraid I would marry my Dad. I was afraid my life wouldn’t be full and fun and spontaneous.

After we’d been dating for 8 years something shifted. I realized John wasn’t changing. And that he wasn’t going anywhere.

Then he got sober. And completely changed the game on me.

One night after he was out of rehab and was sober almost a year we were out to dinner, and we were talking about regrets.

If we died tomorrow would we have any regrets?

And it hit me….

I would regret not marrying him.

I never told him that. I was still too afraid.

2 months later he proposed. And I said yes.

It hasn’t always been easy. I had plenty of doubts. I doubted myself. I doubted John. I doubted the institution of marriage.

But when I look back at it all I really never doubted US. No matter what we went through over these last 21 years together my faith in US has been unwavering.

He has proved every one of my fears wrong. You CAN have a wild, spontaneous, happy, healthy, sexy, fun marriage. You CAN grow together not apart. You CAN break your old pattern and not marry your Dad. The love never dies. The sex is still great. And we CAN both continue to reinvent ourselves. And have a better life together than we would apart.

I never wanted to get married…

But I NEEDED to get married. To complete my soul’s mission.

John and I have done this dance many times. 😊😍And it was meant to be again.

I’m so grateful I had faith. I so grateful we persevered. I’m so grateful I faced my fears and I said YES. I’m so grateful that he knew. That he always knew.

My life with John is better than I could ever imagine a life could be.

If I could tell my 15-year-old self one thing I would say…kiss him now, don’t wait.

The 5 Biggest Regrets People Have Before They Die

The 5 Biggest Regrets People Have Before They Die

This last week I’ve been doing a lot of small group coaching.  And a common theme has been creeping in…. regrets.

It’s something we often don’t reflect on until it’s too late.

 

And while reflecting I came across this article by John-Paul Iwuoha.

The 5 Biggest Regrets People Have Before They Die

 

What he shared in the article was…

Bronnie Ware – an Australian nurse and counselor – took care of terminally ill people, most of whom had less than 12 weeks to live.   As part of therapy, Bronnie would ask about any regrets they had about their lives, and anything they would do differently.  Of all the responses she got from her patients, she noticed there were 5 regrets that stood out.

 

These were the most common regrets her patients wished they hadn’t made:

 

1) I wish I pursued my dreams and aspirations, and not the life others expected of me

I think the biggest lesson from this regret is, if you know what really makes you happy, do it!  (Follow your bliss…)

 

2) I wish I didn’t work so hard

No surprise here.  We don’t often wish at the end of our lives that we had spent more time at work.  People often wish they had put more focus on other things including their relationships, their health and their spirituality.  In short…DO….IT….NOW!

 
3) I wish I had the courage to express my feelings and speak my mind

Emotional intelligence….wow.  Game changer.  This to me means also “I wish I had taken more time to work on ME.”  Because when we do the work, we get stronger.  Period.  We have firmer boundaries, and we can express our needs.

 
4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends

Social life = HUGE!  More proof that the Harvard Grant study was right.  Having close friendships can be SO IMPORTANT.   Make it that way.

 
5) I wish I had let myself be happier

When we realize that happiness is a choice and we put conscious effort into it that can lead to an incredibly fulfilling life.   Safeguard your happiness like it’s a precious treasure!

 

You know I’m a happiness coach right?! (cough cough) #shamelessplug

 

So I ask you…are there any REGRETS that you don’t want to die with?  

Are you spending too much time working?

Putting work in front of family, friends, relationships?

Are you making money your priority?  

Are there adjustments you can make in your life to change any of that?

 

I think these findings prove that living the most rewarding fulfilling life possible is not only necessary, it’s crucial to your happiness.

If you need help, you still have time to join my Happi Mom Squad.  We’ll be working at squelching any and all of our regrets.

Email me…Steffani@myhappilife.com

#noregrets

Steffani

Founder and Happiness Coach at My Happi Life
www.myhappilife.com