This Holiday, How Can I Love You Better

This Holiday, How Can I Love You Better

Quick question…

How often do you show your partner you love them?

How often do you show your kids that you love them?

Do you do it THIS time of year but not every day?

Do you talk about it openly? Do you know what they need to feel loved?

For me, the magic of the holiday season is a great excuse to love on people more.
I give more hugs for no reason.
I tell my friends and family I love them and wish them well and happy.
I write letters of gratitude and give gifts of thanks.

Easy to do this now.  What if we did this ALL the time.  And what if we dove DEEPER into love over the holidays.

Thich Nhat Hanh says in his book Touching Peace that we should look deeply into our loved ones eyes and say “please tell me how I can love you better.”

If you’re a woman talking to a man I’m sure you know the nature of how he might respond. And it will most likely have to take place in the bedroom. Instead of just shrugging this off, really listen for the answer and see how you can meet your family’s needs.

When I asked my husband this question his first answer had something to do with me in a maid costume. Then, when I pushed him for more, he had a few practical suggestions.

“Support me when I have to work a lot. Help me find time to get out and play hockey. Don’t ride me when I’m tired and dismissive, it’s nothing personal.”

Wow. Is that all?

Seriously….aren’t those great suggestions? Are you telling me that if I do those things you’ll feel more LOVED? Then I’m in! Not a problem.

When I asked my friends they said nothing at first then they told me that I can call them more, and I can send them a holiday card. How easy is that? I would love to love them better in that way. When I asked my sister she said, “you can spend more time with me. You can support my dreams.” My other sister said, “you can be more patient with me.” What wonderful information for me to learn about my family.

What if we asked our kids “How can I love you better?” And really listened to the answer. They might have some great suggestions. The answers might have to do with more flexibility or more freedom and maybe that’s OK. They might want to spend more time with you, and that’s OK too. Or they might need you to be more patient with them or kinder with your words. (um, raises hand…)

But wouldn’t it be great to know how you can love someone better? Why not ask them and see for yourself?

I dare you, this holiday season, ask your Mom, ask your sister, ask your children. Be so bold to ask your husband or wife and see the beauty it brings.

I hope this holiday season finds you FILLED with more happiness than your heart and hands can hold.

How can I love you better?

Steffani

3 Tips To Eliminate Holiday Overwhelm

3 Tips To Eliminate Holiday Overwhelm

I hope you’re having a great holiday season already. It’s going by so fast. I’m decorating my house and my friends helped me. Thank God for my friends because I wouldn’t know what to do. I would just have a bunch of red Christmas pillows and that’s it.

Instead, thanks to my friend Liz at Two Story Farm House, I have all these gorgeous things and my mantel with beautiful pompoms hanging. I mean, who knew that you could hang pompoms from your mantle and it would look so cute! I’m putting up some really cute stockings and more stuff to come. It’s amazing!

Decorating for the holidays for me is like a month long because decorating isn’t easy and I needed more things. I needed more things that I really love and to get rid of some old things that I didn’t love.

So I wanted to talk quickly about some tips and tools of how you can shift out of over-whelm and really enjoy the holidays more.

These are some really simple things, but for me, they’re still kind of smack on the head, ‘Oh my God, why didn’t I do that sooner?’

Tip 1: Get Everything Into Your Calendar.

Every. little. detail. Goes into your calendar.

For example, my husband texted me and said we should order some things for Christmas Eve dinner. So I put it in the calendar for Monday at 11:00 AM.

Every. little. thing.

  • We’re dropping off some gifts at this wonderful organization today.
  • We have a family that we bought gifts for and we’re delivering them today between five and nine.
  • Take my daughter to ballet at 5:15.

So putting everything on the calendar is a big important thing.

I know it sounds silly, but I even put in my calendar when I want to reach out to my sister in law and invite her to Christmas Eve.

When things live in our head, it can feel so overwhelming. That’s where so much overwhelm comes from. So putting everything in your calendar or on paper really helps.

I have notes in my phone about people that I need to call or dinners that I want to schedule or my gift list – everything.

Overwhelm is a state of mind, but it also comes from all of the things being only up in your head.

Tip 2: Get in the Right State Every Morning.

I know I talk about this a lot, but it’s been a process for me to learn over many years. But now it’s something that I don’t miss.

Get in the right state every morning by listening to music and doing a meditation, doing some affirmations, doing a gratitude list or whatever fills you up.

During the holidays it’s so much more important to do things in the morning that get you in the right state.

You want to show up as your best self instead of frazzled and busy. I mean, if you’re a mom, you’re taking on 90-95 percent of the work, maybe 98 percent of the work. You’re doing it all so your state matters.

So do everything you can first thing in the morning to really fill you up and get into the most peaceful state possible. Then you can be ready for any of the challenges that might come your way.

Tip 3: Ask for help.

Outsource that shit as much as you can.

  • I asked my friends to come over and help me decorate and Liz showed up with things from her store and helped me decorate.
  • I asked my friend Andy to come over and help me decorate and she helped put things together.
  • I’m asking my friends to do some shopping for me.
  • I’m asking my assistant to help me with buying some of the gifts.

There’s so much that we can ask for help with and outsource.

I know we all want to be supermom. I know we all want to say that we’ve done it all, but why?

I mean if I can, I will. I love hosting things and having everyone bring something because then I have the house to host. I can have drinks and appetizers and everyone brings something. I can handle that.

On Christmas Eve I’m actually going to cook. I’m going to ask my friend Jen, who’s my most amazing chef and friend, what to do. Right? I’m going to ask her for help. I’m not going to try and do it all by myself.

Ask for help with shopping.

Ask for help with your parties.

Ask for help with everything.

I hope you’re having an awesome holiday,

Steffani

****

I have a Happier Moms for the Holidays Challenge going on right now. There are hundreds of women signed up. We have six days worth of short videos with a challenge each day all around the same topic of how you can get out of overwhelm and step into what really matters most to create your happiest holidays ever.

So I hope you will join me for that. It’s totally free.