5 Things Every Marriage Needs To THRIVE

5 Things Every Marriage Needs To THRIVE

We’re exploring our love relationships in our Next Level Life Mastermind this week. We all have room for improvement. I penned this post in 2015 and find that it’s truer than ever…

I’m a happiness coach. Most of my clients are women who are struggling in their relationships. They’re unhappy, and for the most part, they blame their husbands. “He doesn’t listen to me.” “He’s self-centered.” “He has a temper.” “We don’t get along.” “He doesn’t appreciate all I do.”

8 out of 10 women I coach would describe their husbands that way or similar. As I see it, it’s our job to safeguard our own happiness. Who someone else is and even what they do to you, or how they treat you, has no effect on your happiness unless you let it.

Women CAN control their realities.

We CAN shift our thoughts.

We CAN create more inner peace and more daily happiness.

So how can we do this while in a partnership?

In my coaching and in my own relationship, I’ve found there are 5 Things Every Marriage Needs to Thrive. Everyone deserves an extraordinary relationship.  In fact, I think it’s the #1 thing that contributes to a healthy and very HAPPY life. When our relationship is thriving so are our kids. We’re better parents.  When our relationship is thriving, we think more clearly, we are better employees or entrepreneurs. When our relationship is thriving, we create from a more powerful space and we can achieve more than we ever dreamed possible.

Here are the 5 things I’ve found every marriage needs to thrive:

1. Respect.

Every marriage needs respect. Men need to feel respected. When a man feels respected he’s happier and more fulfilled. When he’s happier and more fulfilled he will cherish his wife. Simple as that. If you want to be cherished respect your man. Ask him how you can treat him with more respect. I’m SURE he’ll answer you.

2. Time together.

No matter how busy your schedule, every marriage needs quality time. It’s not always easy, but it’s always necessary. Sometimes it feels like a chore. And that’s okay. That scheduled one on one time will always lead to a deeper connection, things come up that you’ve been meaning to talk about, you get updates on each other’s lives. You might even share a laugh. These things don’t happen over text or across town. Spend time together.

3. Shared interests.

Outside of the kids and your home, every marriage needs some shared interests. Can you work out together? Cook together? Take walks? Play golf? Watch a TV series, that you both enjoy? You might have very little in common. But I’m sure you can still come up with some common interests. Shared interests = more connection. Keep it up.

4. Sex!

Need I say more? We’re human beings. And men particularly need to have sex. Can you imagine how emasculating it must feel to get rejected by your wife? Many of my clients are withholding sex from their husbands for one or more reasons, usually revolving around not feeling loved or cherished. How can a man love or cherish someone who’s emasculating them and doesn’t respect one of their basic needs? Sex is another deep connector. When you take time every week for a sexy at home “date night”, you’ll both be kinder, softer, sweeter to each other. It’s always worth it and can be a lot of fun. When you get out of your own head and let go of your resentments you might actually look forward to having sex with your husband. Which brings me to #5.

5. Forgiveness.

Every marriage needs forgiveness. Resentment, upset, frustration can’t exist in the same space as forgiveness. Forgiveness is the expressway to freedom. If you can find it in your heart to forgive your husband for all his shortcomings, you take a big leap towards more inner peace and more daily happiness. When we forgive we find love and gratitude for our partner and in that space, a marriage can thrive.

What can you do to invest in your relationship?  How can you take responsibility for your own happiness and create more fun and connection with your partner?  Head over to my Facebook page and tell me what you can commit to.  Let’s all move our relationships forward in a powerful way this year.


Just Say No

Just Say No

A big Ah Ha hit me years ago: In order to live and love even bigger, I may need to let go of some things that I love.

It’s easy to let go of things that don’t serve you. Things that you hate. That feel awful. But it’s hard to let go of things that you love. That DO serve you in some way. That are rewarding. But ahhh, that’s the catch.

Sometimes those things keep you too comfortable. They help you settle for a life that’s not ALL THAT. A life that you like but don’t love. That’s good but not great. It’s tricky.

For me getting comfortable held me back. Comfort can kill a dream for sure. What I realized was letting go of some things that I love helped me get MORE. It helped me move from Steffani 1.0 to Steffani 2.0.

I let go of a job that I loved to start my own coaching business. I let go of a house in the city that I loved to move into our dream home in the burbs. And now I say NO to things that I love because what used to satisfy and delight Steffani 1.0 doesn’t work any longer.

I’ve said no to speaking gigs. And no to travel. And no to book clubs and invitations and vacays and volunteer ops. Because if they’re not aligned with the newest version of me I’m doing myself a disservice. I’m fueling Steffani 1.0 while trying to elevate my life. That doesn’t work.

It’s not easy to say no. Especially to things you love. But I’m getting better at it. The newest version of me deserves it.

What do you need to say no to?  

If you are looking for guidance and others who are on the same quest as you, join my group on Facebook.


Find Your Dreams

Find Your Dreams

I found my dreams today. 😊👍🏻❤ A box from my meditation area that I haven’t opened in 5 years. It had my vision boards and Buddha’s and candles and letters and angel cards and a tree of wishes and dreams. What a find!! 😊👏🏻😍

It’s amazing to look back at all this. And think about all that I have now that I started creating back then.

  • My business.
  • My book.
  • The school and teachers my kids have.
  • This house.
  • Our lake house.
  • My tribe of friends from around the world.
  • Luxury tropical vacations.
  • An all-expense paid trip to Kuala Lumpur.
  • Teaching in the Hall of Awesomeness at Mindvalley.
  • A Lifeclass with Oprah and Dr Shefali.
  • The new community I live in.
  • Getting paid to attend Afest and Genius Network.
  • My new besties.
  • The health and fitness of my dreams.
  • Romantic trips with John.
  • Fun epic new experiences.

It’s all in here. And I’m living IT ALL.

I’ve been studying this process of consciously creating my dreams for almost 30 years. It clearly works. I’ve been teaching it for 25 years. Because it works!

It doesn’t happen overnight. You have to do the f’ing work. Take ruthless daily action. Then it looks like it happens overnight. 😆😊 And people think you’re lucky. Or spoiled. Or like someone handed it to you on a silver platter.  It wasn’t….

I earned it. I created it. So can you.

If you have a dream. I can help you get there. Contact me. 😊👍🏻😍