Why Moms Need to Travel …
steffani

Why Moms Need to Travel …

I know this will ruffle some feathers.

We’ve all witnessed the soccer field conversations where Moms wear their loyalty like a badge of honor and try and one-up each other about who has gone longer without leaving their kids.   I hate that game, I always lose instantly.

I love to travel alone.  And I have two young kids.  So I’ve heard it all.

The judgments.   “How can you leave for that long?   Kids need their Mommy”. (Said by my Mom MANY times by the way)

The passive aggressive comments.  “Oh I could never leave my kids.  I would just miss them too much.”  (Oh and I apparently am not as loving is that what you mean?)

And the Moms who long for it.  “God I would love to do that.   Teach me how.”

I’m not here to convert anyone.   Or tell anyone how they should parent.   I’m just here to share my beliefs and to inspire the few who might be longing for more to take action on that desire and book a trip.

I believe that Moms should travel.  IF they’re longing for it.   IF it interests them.   IF there are things that they’re really excited about and places they’re dying to visit.

Here’s why I travel…..

I travel to be a better person. 

I mainly travel to conferences and personal growth experiences.   So I mean that very literally.   But even when I’ve traveled just purely for pleasure I feel like I grow as a person and as a Mom.

I travel to have time to deeply look at my life.

When I’m away I have new mental clarity for the vision I have for my life.   I always end up texting my husband some deep, meaningful messages filled with gratitude and big dreams and he always comments….”  you’re in your travel state of mind”.   He’s right.  Because when I’m away and not dealing with all the logistics of parenting I have room to dream.

I travel to sleep through the night without getting up ONCE.

Not much to explain here.  If you have kids….you get it.

I travel to explore new cultures and have new experiences.

My life is enhanced by new experiences and I don’t consider a new store opening or a new movie coming out a NEW experience.

I travel to meet new people who are very different from me.

I have a friend named Juraj from Slovakia.   He’s the smartest man I’ve ever know.   And really positive.   Really happy.   Really healthy.   We just click.  I met him and his amazing  girlfriend Jana at a conference years ago.   It’s one of the most beautiful friendships I’ve ever had.   We’ve traveled together.   My kids adore them.   I couldn’t imagine my life without friends like this.   And I feel like I can only meet them when I travel.

I travel to allow my husband the chance to be fully in charge.

When we were new parents, we had a therapist tell us once.“  Let your husband have one day a week by himself with your son.” It was the best advice we could have been given as new parents.  It really helped me to let go, and him to step up.  When I travel, I arrange A LOT, spreadsheets, sitters, rides to hockey games.  But my husband also has to do a LOT without me.  And that is a good thing.

I travel to be more grateful. 

When I’m away, I long for what I have.   I’m always SO EXCITED to come home.   I can’t wait to tackle my kids and fill their bodies with kisses.   I can’t wait to tackle my husband and fill him with kisses.   I can’t wait to sleep in my own bed and drive my car and take a steam shower.   I love my life and am even MORE grateful for it when I come home from any length trip.

Mainly I travel to come back a new ME.    A new and improved version of myself.   Whether it’s an overnight in the city with my girlfriends or 9 days in Kuala Lumpur to teach a program, I return anew.   How can I not?   New experiences = New reality.

They say distance makes the heart grow fonder.  I say distance makes me a more patient, tolerant and loving mom.  It helps me have more reverence for this life I’ve created.  Even my son’s bedwetting, even my daughter’s potty mouth, even my Mom’s judgmental comments about my travels.   I embrace life in a different way when I get home.   And that alone makes it all so worth it.

Stay tuned for next week’s blog with tips and tricks on how to prepare your family while you travel and to answer the question ….will my kids be ok while I’m away?

Now who wants to travel with me?

Loving this life and travel,

Steffani
Founder and Happiness Coach at www.myhappilife.com
steffani@myhappilife.com

 

The 5 Biggest Regrets People Have Before They Die
steffani

The 5 Biggest Regrets People Have Before They Die

This last week I’ve been doing a lot of small group coaching.  And a common theme has been creeping in…. regrets.

It’s something we often don’t reflect on until it’s too late.

 

And while reflecting I came across this article by John-Paul Iwuoha.

The 5 Biggest Regrets People Have Before They Die

 

What he shared in the article was…

Bronnie Ware – an Australian nurse and counselor – took care of terminally ill people, most of whom had less than 12 weeks to live.   As part of therapy, Bronnie would ask about any regrets they had about their lives, and anything they would do differently.  Of all the responses she got from her patients, she noticed there were 5 regrets that stood out.

 

These were the most common regrets her patients wished they hadn’t made:

 

1) I wish I pursued my dreams and aspirations, and not the life others expected of me

I think the biggest lesson from this regret is, if you know what really makes you happy, do it!  (Follow your bliss…)

 

2) I wish I didn’t work so hard

No surprise here.  We don’t often wish at the end of our lives that we had spent more time at work.  People often wish they had put more focus on other things including their relationships, their health and their spirituality.  In short…DO….IT….NOW!

 
3) I wish I had the courage to express my feelings and speak my mind

Emotional intelligence….wow.  Game changer.  This to me means also “I wish I had taken more time to work on ME.”  Because when we do the work, we get stronger.  Period.  We have firmer boundaries, and we can express our needs.

 
4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends

Social life = HUGE!  More proof that the Harvard Grant study was right.  Having close friendships can be SO IMPORTANT.   Make it that way.

 
5) I wish I had let myself be happier

When we realize that happiness is a choice and we put conscious effort into it that can lead to an incredibly fulfilling life.   Safeguard your happiness like it’s a precious treasure!

 

You know I’m a happiness coach right?! (cough cough) #shamelessplug

 

So I ask you…are there any REGRETS that you don’t want to die with?  

Are you spending too much time working?

Putting work in front of family, friends, relationships?

Are you making money your priority?  

Are there adjustments you can make in your life to change any of that?

 

I think these findings prove that living the most rewarding fulfilling life possible is not only necessary, it’s crucial to your happiness.

If you need help, you still have time to join my Happi Mom Squad.  We’ll be working at squelching any and all of our regrets.

Email me…Steffani@myhappilife.com

#noregrets

Steffani

Founder and Happiness Coach at My Happi Life
www.myhappilife.com


Dealing with loss…
steffani

Dealing with loss…

Jan 19th, 1982 was the worst day of my life. It will probably always be.

My sister who was 18 at the time died in a car accident.

Looking back on that day I realized her death rocked our family to the core.  It tore up our foundation.  We didn’t know how to operate without her in our lives.  The grief was so heavy and dark, I didn’t know if we would ever survive it.

I was 11 years old when she died, my young innocent heart was crushed.  It’s amazing how 1 day can change your life forever.  I prayed so hard when she got hurt.  I promised God EVERYTHING if he left my sister here.  I remember pleading with him and begging him to help her, to help us and to keep her here.  When she died I felt cheated. I felt robbed. And I was mad.

I remember crying so hard every night that I could feel my tears soak through the other side of the pillow.

My parents were divorced, my oldest sister was dead. I felt lost and invisible.  My family was shattered.  Mom was suffering, literally drowning in grief.  What else could she do? A single mom dealing with the sudden loss of her oldest child.  Now with kids of my own, I can only imagine.

It was a dark night of the soul for our family.  I can’t remember how long it took us to breath again.  But we did.  We did breath again.  We even danced.

When you lose a sibling.  Your life is forever changed.  In the obvious negative ways.  A lot of heartache.  Learning about loss so young.  Longing and aching for that life with your sibling back.  Rebelling because life was unfair and God didn’t do as you asked and spare your sister.

But it’s also forever changed in positive ways.  You feel love from friends and family and even strangers that you’ve never felt before.  That you never imagined possible.  People come out of the woodwork to help you and your family overcome this grief.  They feel closer to you because you’re so raw and vulnerable.  New friendships emerge.  You get to experience things you may never have experienced.  You can forever help other people with loss and heartbreak because you dealt with it first hand.

And most importantly you learn to keep your family close.  It can bring you closer together instead of shattering your foundation.

Every Jan 19th we get together, to celebrate the family that’s still here, and to celebrate Traci and the time we had with her.

It’s never an easy day.  But it does help me reflect on how we got through our grief.

If you’re going through a dark night of the soul, keep going.   You will breath again.

Here’s a few tips I feel helped me when going through that tunnel.

#1. Feel all your feelings.

Treat them as gently as possible.  Feel them. Honor that feeling.  And then move on.  Try and climb up the emotional guidance scale.  Don’t try to feel ‘HAPPY’ instantly, just try to feel 1 degree better.

#2. Focus on what you DO want.

Think of the end result.  Think of your life in a few years and play it out in a positive way.  Think of what would be IDEAL.  The peace, the comfort, the love and support. Even the normalcy back again.  Think about THAT and let it pull you there.

#3. Give it away to a higher power.

My favorite prayer.  “Dear God, I release this situation to you, and I know it won’t result in pain, I give it away for you to create the greatest good for everyone involved”. Letting a higher power take over can feel really good.  Sometimes we forget there’s more help out there than we’re tapping into.

#4. Do what makes you feel GOOD.

It’s more important than ever to feel good.  A walk on the beach.  That coffee you love.  Laughing with a friend.  Getting a mani pedi.  Putting on your favorite song. DANCING.  Yes dancing.  Do things that make you feel good.  It will help pull you forward.  It’s sometimes the last thing you want to do but it’s the most important. Remember no amount of pain and suffering changes the past.  So feel GOOD as much as possible.  And the other side of the tunnel will be here before you know it.

And lastly, if you need any support through your loss I’m here for you.

You’re not alone. You will get through this. It does get easier.

Focusing on the good,
Steffani

Founder and Happiness Coach at www.myhappilife.com
steffani@myhappilife.com