5 Things Every Marriage Needs To THRIVE
steffani

5 Things Every Marriage Needs To THRIVE

We’re exploring our love relationships in our Next Level Life Mastermind this week. We all have room for improvement. I penned this post in 2015 and find that it’s truer than ever…

I’m a happiness coach. Most of my clients are women who are struggling in their relationships. They’re unhappy, and for the most part, they blame their husbands. “He doesn’t listen to me.” “He’s self-centered.” “He has a temper.” “We don’t get along.” “He doesn’t appreciate all I do.”

8 out of 10 women I coach would describe their husbands that way or similar. As I see it, it’s our job to safeguard our own happiness. Who someone else is and even what they do to you, or how they treat you, has no effect on your happiness unless you let it.

Women CAN control their realities.

We CAN shift our thoughts.

We CAN create more inner peace and more daily happiness.

So how can we do this while in a partnership?

In my coaching and in my own relationship, I’ve found there are 5 Things Every Marriage Needs to Thrive. Everyone deserves an extraordinary relationship.  In fact, I think it’s the #1 thing that contributes to a healthy and very HAPPY life. When our relationship is thriving so are our kids. We’re better parents.  When our relationship is thriving, we think more clearly, we are better employees or entrepreneurs. When our relationship is thriving, we create from a more powerful space and we can achieve more than we ever dreamed possible.

Here are the 5 things I’ve found every marriage needs to thrive:

1. Respect.

Every marriage needs respect. Men need to feel respected. When a man feels respected he’s happier and more fulfilled. When he’s happier and more fulfilled he will cherish his wife. Simple as that. If you want to be cherished respect your man. Ask him how you can treat him with more respect. I’m SURE he’ll answer you.

2. Time together.

No matter how busy your schedule, every marriage needs quality time. It’s not always easy, but it’s always necessary. Sometimes it feels like a chore. And that’s okay. That scheduled one on one time will always lead to a deeper connection, things come up that you’ve been meaning to talk about, you get updates on each other’s lives. You might even share a laugh. These things don’t happen over text or across town. Spend time together.

3. Shared interests.

Outside of the kids and your home, every marriage needs some shared interests. Can you work out together? Cook together? Take walks? Play golf? Watch a TV series, that you both enjoy? You might have very little in common. But I’m sure you can still come up with some common interests. Shared interests = more connection. Keep it up.

4. Sex!

Need I say more? We’re human beings. And men particularly need to have sex. Can you imagine how emasculating it must feel to get rejected by your wife? Many of my clients are withholding sex from their husbands for one or more reasons, usually revolving around not feeling loved or cherished. How can a man love or cherish someone who’s emasculating them and doesn’t respect one of their basic needs? Sex is another deep connector. When you take time every week for a sexy at home “date night”, you’ll both be kinder, softer, sweeter to each other. It’s always worth it and can be a lot of fun. When you get out of your own head and let go of your resentments you might actually look forward to having sex with your husband. Which brings me to #5.

5. Forgiveness.

Every marriage needs forgiveness. Resentment, upset, frustration can’t exist in the same space as forgiveness. Forgiveness is the expressway to freedom. If you can find it in your heart to forgive your husband for all his shortcomings, you take a big leap towards more inner peace and more daily happiness. When we forgive we find love and gratitude for our partner and in that space, a marriage can thrive.

What can you do to invest in your relationship?  How can you take responsibility for your own happiness and create more fun and connection with your partner?  Head over to my Facebook page and tell me what you can commit to.  Let’s all move our relationships forward in a powerful way this year.

 

People Think I Have An “Easy” Life
steffani

People Think I Have An “Easy” Life

People think I have an “easy” life. Someone actually said to me recently…

“Sure it’s easy for you, you’re married and your husband has money.”

What they didn’t know is: I met John when he had a broken arm and a broken leg and wasn’t working.

What they don’t know is: He struggled battling drugs and alcohol for the first 8 years of our relationship.

What they don’t know is: He got sober at 28 and through it all, I never left his side.

What they don’t know is: I saw in him what he lost for many years, the man who could have this life. The man who deserved this life.

What they don’t know is: We both had big dreams. And we both went after them.

What they don’t know is: We’re both self-made We’ve earned every penny we have.

What they don’t know is: We still struggle sometimes, we’re both explosive and we fight a lot.

What they don’t know is: We agreed a long time ago, lifetimes ago, to have this life together. And that overrides everything.

What they don’t know is: We’ve earned this life we have. We’ve earned this love. We’ve earned this abundance. We’ve earned it all.

Things can appear so easy. We never know what someone went through to get all they have or what they’re going through now.

The important thing to remember is we create our lives. Every moment of them. We chose who we’re with. We choose our experiences. We create our abundance or lack of it. There is nothing in our lives that is beyond our control.

If you want something. Go after it. Earn it. And it can be yours.

Are you married to the ONE?
steffani

Are you married to the ONE?

Do we CHOOSE who to love?

I believe every love relationship is a choice.  There’s not “the one” who’s out there for each of us.  There’s a lot of options and we CHOOSE to make someone “THE ONE”.

The amazing Dan Savage spoke at Afest recently and he explained that there are a lot of 8.5’s and 7.2’s and 9.0’s out there.  We choose the ONE and we round up and make that 8.5 our ONE.  Love that analogy.

The power is in the choice.  

Once we CHOOSE that relationship then we need to ACCEPT them, love them unconditionally.  

Yes we can still ask in a loving way for what we need.  We can still hold each other to our greatest selves.  We can still grow together.  Grow individually.  And enhance and improve our lives TOGETHER.  We don’t need to stay stagnant.  We can’t stay stagnant.

I often feel we focus more on how we need our partner to change then we do on our own growth and expansion.  I’m guilty of this too.  When I look at my husband and think about what HE needs…

 

He needs to be more positive

He needs to pay more attention to me

He needs to be more present

 

Can I turn all of that around and see how I need to do the same?  YES YES YES.

We buckled ourselves in to this roller coaster ride together.  The ups and downs the steep climbs, the free falls.  ALL of it.  Why would I ever complain about the ride?  Or the price of admission?

If this is what I need to pay to be with him, to go on this beautiful ride, then I am HAPPY with it.  I can accept it, love it, and even be grateful for it.

When I had this revelation after hearing Dan Savage a few months ago I immediately wanted to share it with John.  Instead…. I APPLIED it first.

What’s the price of admission that I pay to be with him?

A temper?  Some negativity?  Him working long hours?  Not being present?  Lack of communication?  The fact that he never cleans up after making his late night PB&J?

If that’s the price of admission I have to pay for this life.  To be WITH HIM and have these amazing kids and go on this roller coaster ride.  Then I’m all in.  Hell yea.

And believe me, he pays a price to be with me.

The fact that I love to travel.  My obsession with personal development.  The supplements and superfoods that take over every cabinet in our kitchen.

PRICE OF ADMISSION.  Is it worth it?  I sure hope so.

So I applied this lesson first.  And started looking very differently at John.  I was more patient with him.  I stopped trying to change him.  I stopped chasing him around the kitchen asking him to clean his shit up.

And THEN I shared this lesson with him.  And explained how it was helping me to be more unconditionally loving and accepting of him.  He got it.  And saw what my price of admission was.

 

Our LOVE is a CHOICE.  

 

xxx,

Steff